Entirely Another Matter To Be Laughed At

The ubiquitous email lays another big shot low. If this were happening to anyone else, it would be embarrassing and pathetic. But it's Jack, and it's funny as hell. Washington Post (06.23.05):

"Yesterday's Senate hearing into superlobbyist Jack Abramoff's alleged defrauding of Indian tribes had something for everyone. There was the yoga instructor who took the Fifth. There was the lifeguard selected to run a think tank from a beach house at Rehoboth. And there was Exhibit 31, an e-mail from Abramoff to a rabbi friend. 'I hate to ask you for your help with something so silly but I've been nominated for membership in the Cosmos Club, which is a very distinguished club in Washington, DC, comprised of Nobel Prize winners, etc.,' Abramoff wrote. 'Problem for me is that most prospective members have received awards and I have received none. I was wondering if you thought it possible that I could put that I have received an award from Toward Tradition with a sufficiently academic title, perhaps something like Scholar of Talmudic Studies?'" One Committee's Three Hours of Inquiry, in Surreal Time

Cosmos Club? Sounds like a strip joint. "There were titters in the audience as Sen. Byron L. Dorgan (D-N.D.) read aloud the e-mail, then outright laughter as he continued reading: 'Indeed, it would be even better if it were possible that I received these in years past, if you know what I mean.'" "The rabbi, conservative radio host Daniel Lapin, gave his blessing. 'I just need to know what needs to be produced,' he wrote. 'Letters? Plaques?'" Grubbing for a meaningless award to frame and hang on the wall, a cheap tin trophy to put on a shelf. This feller is one of the GOP's best and brightest, to boot. Good gawd, what must the rest be like? "'The point of all of this,' Dorgan said, 'is there's a lot of deception going on.'" Really. Word of the day: pusillanimous. It was a tossup between that and recreant.